i have confirmed once again that in any relationships--friends, lovers, countrymen [hahaha!!! hello garci??!!]--that the best way to address any issues with the people involved, is saying it as it is.
mistress and slacker know that for the longest time i have a standing issue with the man from binondo about what was supposed to be one grand time gone wrong.
anyway, i really felt it festering me for days now and it was just great that we were able to chat about it at last this afternoon. i was so willing to have discussed this over lunch or in person, but it just so happened that it wasn't meant to be so.
so i told him about it and he squarely let me know his sentiments about what happened.
thanks man! letting it all out can make a great difference [ala joe d'mango...bwahaahahaha]
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
mistress, slacker, papa bear
at last, slacker came with mistress and me in sta.cruz and divisoria. as likely, it was totally unplanned. i was up all night downloading [but of course, CF's gorgeousness only to find out that most of the files were corrupted or misleading] when slacker chat with me. as we went on, i was able to mention to her that i was planning to go to sta. cruz to find law books for mah dad. then when she said she plans to go with me, there it started.
so when we went off, i had to ask her to secure the HR book i was borrowing from arjhaie [thanks slacker, as in]. then when we finally met, i even commented that she looked like a student about to go to classes [or about to slack, whichever]. then we waited for mistress. but we already bought DVDs. she got 7 in 1 will smith collection while i got keanu 6 in 1 including animatrix.
off we went to ongpin to find something to eat. we got interested with a lumpia eatery since we really were famished that time. mr lim was giving us intructions for another resto but we just wanted a place so badly. so we stopped by and ate to our hearts' content [again forgot the name, hmmm, think it was in chinese]. i went for maki, mistress with quekiam, slacker with sweet and sour pork.
then when we're done, it's time for divisoria. it was so funny since we rode a jeepney that was supposed to sit about 7 people per side, but we reduced it to maybe just 5. with another passenger just "making sabit" for lack of options. bweheheheehe.
when finally we were in divisoria, we shopped then shopped then bought then shopped again.
gotten tired of going the rounds, we contented ourselves in staying in divisoria mall's food court. and we talked about our lives [whose else??? if only you knew anyway].
had we not been asked to vacate our seats, we would have stayed there for eternity. anyways, we then went to tutuban mall just to go about.
mistress bought shoes [in red of course], shoes and bag [kerrokerrokerropi...i was looking for a terminator 4 one but the kid selling didn't have any...bwaahahahahaha, talking about hard selling to me]. slacker bought 2 bags, one formal and one casual. she likewise bought vcds to watch. me, i was able to buy a good watch, bracelet and vcds galore [again].
amusing how things or events that are sooo unplanned turn out more engaging and memorable than planned ones...i should know, one very much planned one panned out on me.
so much for that...i want my rest day now so i can enjoy mah vcds and mah harry potter [slacker was disappointed with all the deaths going around the book, i wonder].
enuff said.
so when we went off, i had to ask her to secure the HR book i was borrowing from arjhaie [thanks slacker, as in]. then when we finally met, i even commented that she looked like a student about to go to classes [or about to slack, whichever]. then we waited for mistress. but we already bought DVDs. she got 7 in 1 will smith collection while i got keanu 6 in 1 including animatrix.
off we went to ongpin to find something to eat. we got interested with a lumpia eatery since we really were famished that time. mr lim was giving us intructions for another resto but we just wanted a place so badly. so we stopped by and ate to our hearts' content [again forgot the name, hmmm, think it was in chinese]. i went for maki, mistress with quekiam, slacker with sweet and sour pork.
then when we're done, it's time for divisoria. it was so funny since we rode a jeepney that was supposed to sit about 7 people per side, but we reduced it to maybe just 5. with another passenger just "making sabit" for lack of options. bweheheheehe.
when finally we were in divisoria, we shopped then shopped then bought then shopped again.
gotten tired of going the rounds, we contented ourselves in staying in divisoria mall's food court. and we talked about our lives [whose else??? if only you knew anyway].
had we not been asked to vacate our seats, we would have stayed there for eternity. anyways, we then went to tutuban mall just to go about.
mistress bought shoes [in red of course], shoes and bag [kerrokerrokerropi...i was looking for a terminator 4 one but the kid selling didn't have any...bwaahahahahaha, talking about hard selling to me]. slacker bought 2 bags, one formal and one casual. she likewise bought vcds to watch. me, i was able to buy a good watch, bracelet and vcds galore [again].
amusing how things or events that are sooo unplanned turn out more engaging and memorable than planned ones...i should know, one very much planned one panned out on me.
so much for that...i want my rest day now so i can enjoy mah vcds and mah harry potter [slacker was disappointed with all the deaths going around the book, i wonder].
enuff said.
hey there, gorgeous
a month has passed with nary an entry...hehehe. i was taking this month for a ride and it was truly a tide of mixed emotions. the loves of my life, the wave 2 of my account in CVG had a get together, 2 of them has resigned: ays and mauie, was able to watch 2 cinema flicks [one sucked big time, the other rocked totally], have now an mp3 player that is so indispensable i am getting poorer for all the batteries i'm spending on it, has a new assignment in a new location, had limewire installed and downloaded lots [from vintage aretha songs to shirley bassey to salsa, tango, chachacha to paris hilton's bed gymnastics, watched koreanovelas like my sassy girl and all in [plus the raket i have with these VCDs], my dad has enrolled to become a lawyer, my brother nears the end of his classes in medical transcription, my mom frustrated for not contributing to the ratings of encantadia and sugo since our teevee set broke down, and my darling li'l sister, lingling learning the abc's and how to spell much to my delight.
at this point, regardless of how i felt the entire month, i feel blessed again. i feel renewed. i feel loved.
what a month right?
at this point, regardless of how i felt the entire month, i feel blessed again. i feel renewed. i feel loved.
what a month right?
Friday, July 01, 2005
nella fantasia
this song is very inspiring. it talks about one's wish for a much more caring world. sarah brightman persisted for the composer, ennio morricone, to turn this instrumental piece, from the opus The Mission, to an aria. and it is refreshing to say the least. sarah's and il divo's versions are amazing.
here it is:
Nella Fantasia
Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo giusto,
Li tutti vivono in pace e in onestà.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien' d'umanità in fondo all'anima.
Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo chiaro,
Li anche la notte è meno oscura.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano.
Nella fantasia esiste un vento caldo,
Che soffia sulle città, come amico.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien' d'umanità in fondo all'anima.
In my fantasy
In my fantasy I see a fair world,
Where everyone lives in peace and honesty.
I dream of a place to live that is always free,
Like a cloud that floats,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.
In my fantasy I see a bright world
Where each night there is less darkness.
I dream of spirits that are always free,
Like the cloud that floats.
In my fantasy exists a warm wind,
That breathes into the city, like a friend.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like the cloud that floats,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.
here it is:
Nella Fantasia
Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo giusto,
Li tutti vivono in pace e in onestà.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien' d'umanità in fondo all'anima.
Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo chiaro,
Li anche la notte è meno oscura.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano.
Nella fantasia esiste un vento caldo,
Che soffia sulle città, come amico.
Io sogno d'anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien' d'umanità in fondo all'anima.
In my fantasy
In my fantasy I see a fair world,
Where everyone lives in peace and honesty.
I dream of a place to live that is always free,
Like a cloud that floats,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.
In my fantasy I see a bright world
Where each night there is less darkness.
I dream of spirits that are always free,
Like the cloud that floats.
In my fantasy exists a warm wind,
That breathes into the city, like a friend.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like the cloud that floats,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.
payday bonding
this is now getting to be a habit. mistress and the man from binondo and mojacko hang out whenever we have the moolah.
and am really so sorry for letting slacker down once more, it just happened unplanned [again]
what happened was i wanted to go to jollibee to have my usual payday fix of chickenjoy and spaghetti, so i told theny that if there's going to be money in the bank, we can eat out [although i really wanted to treat them out]. then she muttered, even if there's no money we should still eat.
i told mond as well about our plans and we waited for him to finish by 10 [which extended till 1030, with him squinting his eyes and looking damn tired, ;p]
heniweys, we went out and, as forever usual, it took us the longest time to make up our minds on where to eat [pinoys really take infinity on this]. finally, we settled for d'angelo [with mond wanting chowking, i don't remember theny's]
ah yeah, as long as there wouldn't be any people staring at us or hinting that we better vacate our table, that's where she would have wanted.
then after that, we went malling without direction, as usual [this phrase will be a keyword in this blog]. then getting tired of all the walking, cocooned in mcdees [mcdo for you! haha]. i cajoled mond for desserts, and got it!!! [yipee, strawberry sundae, the best, mah fave]
and then we talked...talked...talked more...talked
to think i still had a shift last night! [what was i thinking? i was so hyper i went home past 6pm, just changed clothes then went to work for mah 12am shift. but i wasn't sleepy at all. i only sensed fatigued when i was about to logout at 915am]
you know guys, i reallllllllllllly thank you for being there that time. i will always have it with me. the way i was able to open up things and tell you about mah take on things. i am so blessed having you two around for mah mababaw musings and whathaveyous.
awful things may have been frustrating me lately but definitely having theny and mond as my best buddies sure make more than enough for all those let down moments go by.
luv yah guys! mwah
p.s.
hoy, we will push through with the bar thingey oks? we will down bottles of draft and fill our sense of sight with astral bodies [bwahaahahaha]
and am really so sorry for letting slacker down once more, it just happened unplanned [again]
what happened was i wanted to go to jollibee to have my usual payday fix of chickenjoy and spaghetti, so i told theny that if there's going to be money in the bank, we can eat out [although i really wanted to treat them out]. then she muttered, even if there's no money we should still eat.
i told mond as well about our plans and we waited for him to finish by 10 [which extended till 1030, with him squinting his eyes and looking damn tired, ;p]
heniweys, we went out and, as forever usual, it took us the longest time to make up our minds on where to eat [pinoys really take infinity on this]. finally, we settled for d'angelo [with mond wanting chowking, i don't remember theny's]
ah yeah, as long as there wouldn't be any people staring at us or hinting that we better vacate our table, that's where she would have wanted.
then after that, we went malling without direction, as usual [this phrase will be a keyword in this blog]. then getting tired of all the walking, cocooned in mcdees [mcdo for you! haha]. i cajoled mond for desserts, and got it!!! [yipee, strawberry sundae, the best, mah fave]
and then we talked...talked...talked more...talked
to think i still had a shift last night! [what was i thinking? i was so hyper i went home past 6pm, just changed clothes then went to work for mah 12am shift. but i wasn't sleepy at all. i only sensed fatigued when i was about to logout at 915am]
you know guys, i reallllllllllllly thank you for being there that time. i will always have it with me. the way i was able to open up things and tell you about mah take on things. i am so blessed having you two around for mah mababaw musings and whathaveyous.
awful things may have been frustrating me lately but definitely having theny and mond as my best buddies sure make more than enough for all those let down moments go by.
luv yah guys! mwah
p.s.
hoy, we will push through with the bar thingey oks? we will down bottles of draft and fill our sense of sight with astral bodies [bwahaahahaha]
testimonial
i am now having more time to write testimonials to peeps in mah friendster account. i recently wrote something for a dear friend of mine in CVG, and i went on writing something in spanish since she tried learning it and i am in the process of learning hablo espanol myself.
here's what i wrote:
en la vida, no es tanto que ganamos muchas cosas ni logramos muchas nuestras aspiraciones. en la mayora de los tiempos, est en cunto hemos adorado eso importar, que seremos recordados el la mayora del.
in life, it is not so much that we gained a lot of things nor achieved a lot of our aspirations. in most times, it is on how much we have loved that will matter, that we will be remembered the most.
here's what i wrote:
en la vida, no es tanto que ganamos muchas cosas ni logramos muchas nuestras aspiraciones. en la mayora de los tiempos, est en cunto hemos adorado eso importar, que seremos recordados el la mayora del.
in life, it is not so much that we gained a lot of things nor achieved a lot of our aspirations. in most times, it is on how much we have loved that will matter, that we will be remembered the most.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
translating this song's title to english [you are my everything] just doesn't quite capture its soul. i sooo love this song and singing it just gives me that heady feeling everytime.
this is very much special to me right now and i hope you enjoy it.
Ikaw ang Lahat sa Akin
ikaw ang lahat sa akin,
kahit ika'y wala sa aking piling
isang magandang alaala
isang kahapong lagi kong kasama
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
kahit ika'y di ko dapat ibigin
dapat ba kitang limutin
pa'no mapipigil ang isang damdamin
kung ang sinisigaw
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
at kung hindi ngayon
ang panahon, upang ikaw ay mahalin
bukas na walang hanggan
doo'y maghihintay pa rin
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
sa maykapal aking dinadalangin
dapat ba kitang limutin
pa'no mapipigil ang isang damdamin
kung ang sinisigaw
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
at kung hindi ngayon
ang panahon, upang ikaw ay mahalin
bukas na walang hanggan
doo'y maghihintay pa rin
pano mapipigil ang isang damdamin
kung ang sinisigaw
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
at kung hindi ngayon
ang panahon, upang ikaw ay mahalin
bukas na walang hanggan
hanggang matapos ang kailan pa man
bukas na walang hanggan
doo'y maghihintay pa rin
this is very much special to me right now and i hope you enjoy it.
Ikaw ang Lahat sa Akin
ikaw ang lahat sa akin,
kahit ika'y wala sa aking piling
isang magandang alaala
isang kahapong lagi kong kasama
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
kahit ika'y di ko dapat ibigin
dapat ba kitang limutin
pa'no mapipigil ang isang damdamin
kung ang sinisigaw
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
at kung hindi ngayon
ang panahon, upang ikaw ay mahalin
bukas na walang hanggan
doo'y maghihintay pa rin
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
sa maykapal aking dinadalangin
dapat ba kitang limutin
pa'no mapipigil ang isang damdamin
kung ang sinisigaw
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
at kung hindi ngayon
ang panahon, upang ikaw ay mahalin
bukas na walang hanggan
doo'y maghihintay pa rin
pano mapipigil ang isang damdamin
kung ang sinisigaw
ikaw ang lahat sa akin
at kung hindi ngayon
ang panahon, upang ikaw ay mahalin
bukas na walang hanggan
hanggang matapos ang kailan pa man
bukas na walang hanggan
doo'y maghihintay pa rin
Monday, June 20, 2005
being slapped on the face
have you ever felt a situation wherein you felt your cheeks reddened, felt the sting of a slap, yet none such action ever happened?
well, yeah, i have. and right now i feel stupid going over the motions again and again. i am not mad, i just feel like confronting somebody.
but will i get my end of it? i don't think so. foremost, i feel this is not justified for the other party since we don't know each other. i mean, yeah, at face value we do but we are not known to each other in any way defined by norms.
and for this, i ran 2 hours on the treadmill. talk about release.
well, yeah, i have. and right now i feel stupid going over the motions again and again. i am not mad, i just feel like confronting somebody.
but will i get my end of it? i don't think so. foremost, i feel this is not justified for the other party since we don't know each other. i mean, yeah, at face value we do but we are not known to each other in any way defined by norms.
and for this, i ran 2 hours on the treadmill. talk about release.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
happy father's day
two of my closest friends and i went for a chow this week and had a talk about our lives for the first time. it's not weird since this was the first time we had time in our hands to, you know, talk about ourselves. we have been together for over a year now and maybe it just went that good that we found ourselves disclosing [incriminating] details about us.
i would spare the details for now, i mean, with so much respect for my 2 other buddies of course. but generally, my drift of how the talk went, and the reason for the title of this blog, is that each of us were impacted of how much our relationship with our fathers has on us.
closeness or the lack of it defined how we have viewed certain aspects of our lives. one enthused that one could have been to more places and would have been more successful had a father been more supportive of his offspring's goals and dreams.
yet, running on my mind is the thought that maybe this friend of mine is being pushed by the father to be more aggressive, to be more reliable and to be more responsible. i figured, maybe the father doesn't see much of that boldness in the person, not enough to trust to let go.
although i may be wrong. the father can also be faulted for not trying to reach out to the person to determine the fears and aspirations of his heir. sometimes, if a parent attaches much expectations, the son or daughter feels so much pressure that they end up burnt out at the end.
i would spare the details for now, i mean, with so much respect for my 2 other buddies of course. but generally, my drift of how the talk went, and the reason for the title of this blog, is that each of us were impacted of how much our relationship with our fathers has on us.
closeness or the lack of it defined how we have viewed certain aspects of our lives. one enthused that one could have been to more places and would have been more successful had a father been more supportive of his offspring's goals and dreams.
yet, running on my mind is the thought that maybe this friend of mine is being pushed by the father to be more aggressive, to be more reliable and to be more responsible. i figured, maybe the father doesn't see much of that boldness in the person, not enough to trust to let go.
although i may be wrong. the father can also be faulted for not trying to reach out to the person to determine the fears and aspirations of his heir. sometimes, if a parent attaches much expectations, the son or daughter feels so much pressure that they end up burnt out at the end.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
the road trip
i already set up another blog site for theny and mine's 'the road trip' adventure. i dunno, i guess we just had our heads whacked together to think of this insane [mis]adventures blog site for our attempt to get to places we haven't been to and most importantly i guess, is this discovery within ourselves. i believe that we get to see our worst and get to know more our best sides whenever we are on the road.
i will be popping the exact site address when it's up with contents. we still haven't gotten it ready since i am still in the process of finalizing the look and feel of the space. bwehehehehe. theny is right now in Bicol [SL on VL, ahehehe] and will be back tuesday, i think. i better get it together working by that time.
what it's going to look like is it's going to have my and her versions on how it went, maybe we'll agree to have it posted in almost the same time so as not to influence the other about the trip. then we also have a guest every trip. he/she will explain the circumstances on how they became part of this journey. if they are incidental guests, then theny and me will describe it for them.
our first sojourn was in chinatown. we went the rounds [and i mean, THE rounds] of binondo and divisoria.
i'll gather my wits within the night and hopefully, have this up by nighttime when i do my reports.
june 16 surely was a day to remember...ah, life.
i will be popping the exact site address when it's up with contents. we still haven't gotten it ready since i am still in the process of finalizing the look and feel of the space. bwehehehehe. theny is right now in Bicol [SL on VL, ahehehe] and will be back tuesday, i think. i better get it together working by that time.
what it's going to look like is it's going to have my and her versions on how it went, maybe we'll agree to have it posted in almost the same time so as not to influence the other about the trip. then we also have a guest every trip. he/she will explain the circumstances on how they became part of this journey. if they are incidental guests, then theny and me will describe it for them.
our first sojourn was in chinatown. we went the rounds [and i mean, THE rounds] of binondo and divisoria.
i'll gather my wits within the night and hopefully, have this up by nighttime when i do my reports.
june 16 surely was a day to remember...ah, life.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
art of letting go: on closure and moving on
the frustrated joe d’ mango that i am, i have always harbored the thought of someday doing such stuff, writing advices for letter senders.
but hey, i got something closer than what i previously thought impossible. i turn to blogging.
this means will allow me to dispense my take on certain things without hitting on one person directly. it's like my way of sharing how i feel for certain life topics without being so to-your-face since i don't have somebody specific in mind.
step one
as a step forward in this endeavor, i will start with the art of letting go. this, as i know it, is a music album title. with songs contained bearing music for the broken hearted. now, do i have to confirm with a record bar still if this album flew off the shelves? no brainer it did. pinoys, at most, buy these genre for we are a nation of suckers for romance. i don't think we are known to be a race of emotional hard balls. there is always, in each one of us, that soft spot for crying over spoiled relationships. unless you have a friend in my former boss, michelle d., you will be reading this. [why i said that? she told me that whenever she has a friend going through the motions of mending a broken heart, she would lend a Trance CD. for if it'd be a mushy one, the person wouldn't get over it. with Trance, there is no lyrics or anything, one has no reason to sulk and linger. hahahaha]
how does one let go really? i guess, there is no cut and dried way to go about it. that makes it easy and hard at the same time, right? it means, we are the ones responsible for creating the shortcut menu for going on with our lives. but others wouldn't take it this way, rather, what they want is for other people to sort it out for them. at first, that's ok. these people would be the ones waking us in our unholy hours just because they feel like crying again. again that is fine. but what if they feel like doing that 24/7 for half a year?
i guess, what really makes it so hard is the fact that we don't want to confront the reality of a person we loved so darn hard is just letting go of us that EASILY. be it on pride, loss, immaturity, possessiveness, love or any combination and permutation thereabouts, the fact that somebody walked out on us is hurting, of course, and overwhelming.
we can never be prepared for such. whoever goes into a relationship thinking on the first day that "i must prepare for the day we break up" is either looney or simply pathetic or not in love at all. i mean, we always think of going through love hoping it would be endless.
the gravity of loss would now be dependent on how well-built we are, empirically, in facing such situations. factors could be, how many times we have faced such realities, our age [both maturity and chronological], our environment [where we grew up], our support group, our faith [this is disputable. i don't necessarily mean religion. it is our relationship with a higher being or for non-believers, on our disposition].
what is closure?
personally, what i find close to home is closure [gosh, using the same root word in 1 sentence]. what i find hard to accept when i was so mercilessly immersed in such lachrymal-ly overworking reality is closure. i am one person who wants one final talk before letting go. i can't comprehend that people who have loved one another would just completely ignore such relationship as if it was totally non-existent. same to annulment, right?
my version would have been, that that person would sit it out with me and discuss what has happened and be totally adults with our failures. and not just cold shoulder-ing me every time we meet and try, at the very least, to meet with me and talk things out [as opposed to talk things over; for this means, resolving the problem to resolution. with the 2 of you getting back on again]
i guess, the main propel for me to have closure is to hear it first-hand "where did i go wrong?" [that song totally captured it]. not so much on defending your lot but more on looking straight to your lover's [be it your friend, relatives etc] eyes and getting it cold. and more so, you dishing out your sentiments straightforward. spewing it out loud what you have to say.
maybe it's more about us telling them. the mere fact we want closure, the reason hedges closer to our benefit. the lack of images for us to imagine how our partner would have reacted on what we have to say may be the bulk of the reason why closure is needed. like for me, i would have relished seeing the face of that person register shock, or guilt, or realization on the things i have listed in my mind and pored over countless times ever since the walk out.
what is moving on?
can anybody be ever be definite and descriptive on this subject, moving on? we all take into things differently, more so, on how we feel certain things. we are relative in how we accept things right? and this status of acceptance defines, as i see it, how we are moving on or if, ever, we have moved on.
there are people who have claimed that they are past certain relationships but upon probing you find out that, they are, as claimed, only because they haven't seen the other person after the break up. i don't lay claim that we need to see the other person just to make sure that we have moved on. what there is, is that most times, distance did its thing for us. we have healed on most parts because we have lost contact. now, what do you think would have happened if we keep on bumping into that person every day? would it in fact have more bearing if we were able to resist reconciliation given such frequent encounters or is it in equality with another person who has moved on unbound by such close distance.
honestly, i don't know the answer.
that is why moving on for me is quite indescribable, unless we really know the person concerned.
others would say that if it's not distance, then it must be time. years upon years after would have dulled us from the pain of a failed relationship. yet, similar to above, time is also distance expressed in minutes and hours. it is likewise presumptuous to claim that we are past hurt if we counted years already. for feelings know no space nor time. and if we have just covered up our emotions with things to get ourselves busy with, without confronting what needs to be addressed, then we are only buying, yes, time.
we are just making ourselves believe that in so doing, we can go on with our lives without facing what has come out from the relationship.
i speak for my self, but i think, whatever emotions we go through in life have meanings. we don't necessarily have to go about them one by one, every day, but when we feel strongly about a certain emotion, about a certain person, in most waking hours, then it needs attention.
haven't you yourself endure the pangs of nagging feelings? when you feel like, you don't want it anymore? how come you always feel sorry for yourself, that you don't deserve feeling that way, or how come the other person CAN'T feel the same misery that you are in?
only we can answer that. for no amount of explanation will suffice for somebody whose questions are unaccountable to any other but one's self. only we have that key to finding out what we needs to be resolved. we can count on people, friends, our family to help us sort some things, but not decide on ALL things.
therefore, we need not rush things to resolution. if the reason why we just want closure is so that we can have it done and over it, then we fail to realize why we encountered failure, and why we need to go on. things do take time in some cases to figure itself out. there are many moments in life we don’t fathom the reason why it’s happening, and foremost, why us. rushing ourselves, and even forcing the other party to provide us reasons for their decisions don’t add up to resolution.
find that within you, it will not be easy, it will never be easy. but life never promised to be easy on us. that makes life and all needed decisions a mystery to unravel, and not to be solved.
but hey, i got something closer than what i previously thought impossible. i turn to blogging.
this means will allow me to dispense my take on certain things without hitting on one person directly. it's like my way of sharing how i feel for certain life topics without being so to-your-face since i don't have somebody specific in mind.
step one
as a step forward in this endeavor, i will start with the art of letting go. this, as i know it, is a music album title. with songs contained bearing music for the broken hearted. now, do i have to confirm with a record bar still if this album flew off the shelves? no brainer it did. pinoys, at most, buy these genre for we are a nation of suckers for romance. i don't think we are known to be a race of emotional hard balls. there is always, in each one of us, that soft spot for crying over spoiled relationships. unless you have a friend in my former boss, michelle d., you will be reading this. [why i said that? she told me that whenever she has a friend going through the motions of mending a broken heart, she would lend a Trance CD. for if it'd be a mushy one, the person wouldn't get over it. with Trance, there is no lyrics or anything, one has no reason to sulk and linger. hahahaha]
how does one let go really? i guess, there is no cut and dried way to go about it. that makes it easy and hard at the same time, right? it means, we are the ones responsible for creating the shortcut menu for going on with our lives. but others wouldn't take it this way, rather, what they want is for other people to sort it out for them. at first, that's ok. these people would be the ones waking us in our unholy hours just because they feel like crying again. again that is fine. but what if they feel like doing that 24/7 for half a year?
i guess, what really makes it so hard is the fact that we don't want to confront the reality of a person we loved so darn hard is just letting go of us that EASILY. be it on pride, loss, immaturity, possessiveness, love or any combination and permutation thereabouts, the fact that somebody walked out on us is hurting, of course, and overwhelming.
we can never be prepared for such. whoever goes into a relationship thinking on the first day that "i must prepare for the day we break up" is either looney or simply pathetic or not in love at all. i mean, we always think of going through love hoping it would be endless.
the gravity of loss would now be dependent on how well-built we are, empirically, in facing such situations. factors could be, how many times we have faced such realities, our age [both maturity and chronological], our environment [where we grew up], our support group, our faith [this is disputable. i don't necessarily mean religion. it is our relationship with a higher being or for non-believers, on our disposition].
what is closure?
personally, what i find close to home is closure [gosh, using the same root word in 1 sentence]. what i find hard to accept when i was so mercilessly immersed in such lachrymal-ly overworking reality is closure. i am one person who wants one final talk before letting go. i can't comprehend that people who have loved one another would just completely ignore such relationship as if it was totally non-existent. same to annulment, right?
my version would have been, that that person would sit it out with me and discuss what has happened and be totally adults with our failures. and not just cold shoulder-ing me every time we meet and try, at the very least, to meet with me and talk things out [as opposed to talk things over; for this means, resolving the problem to resolution. with the 2 of you getting back on again]
i guess, the main propel for me to have closure is to hear it first-hand "where did i go wrong?" [that song totally captured it]. not so much on defending your lot but more on looking straight to your lover's [be it your friend, relatives etc] eyes and getting it cold. and more so, you dishing out your sentiments straightforward. spewing it out loud what you have to say.
maybe it's more about us telling them. the mere fact we want closure, the reason hedges closer to our benefit. the lack of images for us to imagine how our partner would have reacted on what we have to say may be the bulk of the reason why closure is needed. like for me, i would have relished seeing the face of that person register shock, or guilt, or realization on the things i have listed in my mind and pored over countless times ever since the walk out.
what is moving on?
can anybody be ever be definite and descriptive on this subject, moving on? we all take into things differently, more so, on how we feel certain things. we are relative in how we accept things right? and this status of acceptance defines, as i see it, how we are moving on or if, ever, we have moved on.
there are people who have claimed that they are past certain relationships but upon probing you find out that, they are, as claimed, only because they haven't seen the other person after the break up. i don't lay claim that we need to see the other person just to make sure that we have moved on. what there is, is that most times, distance did its thing for us. we have healed on most parts because we have lost contact. now, what do you think would have happened if we keep on bumping into that person every day? would it in fact have more bearing if we were able to resist reconciliation given such frequent encounters or is it in equality with another person who has moved on unbound by such close distance.
honestly, i don't know the answer.
that is why moving on for me is quite indescribable, unless we really know the person concerned.
others would say that if it's not distance, then it must be time. years upon years after would have dulled us from the pain of a failed relationship. yet, similar to above, time is also distance expressed in minutes and hours. it is likewise presumptuous to claim that we are past hurt if we counted years already. for feelings know no space nor time. and if we have just covered up our emotions with things to get ourselves busy with, without confronting what needs to be addressed, then we are only buying, yes, time.
we are just making ourselves believe that in so doing, we can go on with our lives without facing what has come out from the relationship.
i speak for my self, but i think, whatever emotions we go through in life have meanings. we don't necessarily have to go about them one by one, every day, but when we feel strongly about a certain emotion, about a certain person, in most waking hours, then it needs attention.
haven't you yourself endure the pangs of nagging feelings? when you feel like, you don't want it anymore? how come you always feel sorry for yourself, that you don't deserve feeling that way, or how come the other person CAN'T feel the same misery that you are in?
only we can answer that. for no amount of explanation will suffice for somebody whose questions are unaccountable to any other but one's self. only we have that key to finding out what we needs to be resolved. we can count on people, friends, our family to help us sort some things, but not decide on ALL things.
therefore, we need not rush things to resolution. if the reason why we just want closure is so that we can have it done and over it, then we fail to realize why we encountered failure, and why we need to go on. things do take time in some cases to figure itself out. there are many moments in life we don’t fathom the reason why it’s happening, and foremost, why us. rushing ourselves, and even forcing the other party to provide us reasons for their decisions don’t add up to resolution.
find that within you, it will not be easy, it will never be easy. but life never promised to be easy on us. that makes life and all needed decisions a mystery to unravel, and not to be solved.
certified FULL HOUSE fanatic
alright, i will not try to be defensive about it, but YES, i am a Full House addict. certified.
i am sooooo much into this tv series that i don't know how to go about this blog for it. i was thinking that it might be better to just have a rundown of the things i sooooo love about the show, or then again, maybe go about the quotes i remember and then discuss them one by one, but then again, i couldn't resist poring over and over the sites of the show's headliners.
huwaaaaaaaa, i can't make up my mind.
i am sooooo definitely taken by the show's story that i am now bothered in my resting hours. i can't think of anything else lately. and who would ever think, among people in my workplace, that i am one of the many who are AFFECTED by these **mundane concerns?
i definitely am, not known to many i guess is the fact that i happen to be a couch potato who wants lazy afternoons and hours on hours on end of endless boob tube fare. i definitely am.
of mara clara and marimar
i remember watching annaliza when i was smaller, then the first few years of mara clara. until i discovered that the show did nothing but appeal to the tear glands of its viewers by subjecting its viewers to episodes of heavy emotions and crying. how could you ever imagine a story wherein characters are ending up always in hospital beds or accidents or kidnappings WHENEVER they are on the brink of solving their plot dilemma once and for all?
either Susan Africa, clara's biological mom, would end up crazed again or Beverly Vergel, mara's mother, would have an amnesia when she discovered an information so vital to her 'true' daughter's identity. gosh, it was my soooo pathetic summer, spending afternoons in my front of our tv set just trying to root for Judy Ann Santos to come to her senses and fight for her right as "nag-iisang heredera ng mga del valle." [the heiress to the del valle fortune]
incredulous me!
before Marimar became the toast of telenovelas, there was Valeria Montoya of La Traidora, the heiress of the Tricom empire. my mom was in Cebu then for her annual trip when my dad and i decided to spend the 6:30 evenings watching the rise and fall and rising again of this red headed senora slugging it out with her equally tempestuous cousin, Dayana, for the control of the family riches.
haaaaaaay, little did i know that when mother came back and WE introduced her to the Montoya clan, she would end up romancing, MORE THAN my dad’s and my curiosity and dedication in watching, the telenovelas for years to come. my mom was so habitually concerned about these characters that whenever she phoned us brothers home when they were in laguna, she would say it this way:
"O anak, napakain nyo na ba ang mga hayop?..." [sons, have you fed our dogs and cats?]
"opo" [yes mother]
"O wag nyong kalimutan isulat ang GoBingo at yung La Traidora..." [o, don’t forget my GoBingo combinations and La Traidora] [then she will guffaw]
now can you imagine that? a parent calling from the province and checking on her unicos hijos, BUT reminding first about the pets, if they have eaten, and then her tv fare. but not, "o mga anak, kumain na ba kayo?" [sons have you eaten?]
imagine that!
plot critique
i think this growing habit to watch lots of shows has provided me and kuya [elder brother] with insights on what a good show is like. we used to grow with daddy commenting every time he would hear about the titles of betamax tapes we're going to be renting, "ano mapapala nyo dyan. paulit-ulit lang ang kwento nyan?" [why waste your money on that. its plot is threadbare anyway?]
and we would resent that, ALWAYS.
not knowing that it presents so much wisdom. looking back, i now know that daddy couldn't have said it any better.
plots nowadays are so copied, so trite, so banal.
we need new writers. and quick.
that is the reason why channel 2 is getting the rear end of its karma. they have perfected scheming plots for the teevee that now they have grown too big in their thrones, they couldn't budge a bit to assess weaknesses and improve on it.
they need to realize that viewers are sooooo discriminating nowadays due to rampant exposure to all sorts of media. ALL forms.
they can never underestimate the importance of a really GOOD story. ramping up with glitzy stars, visually stunning effects and vaunted production design doesn’t a good story make. if the story itself SUCKS, people would know.
with Darna and Encantadia doing good share of commercial loads and high ratings, it is time abs-cbn come to its senses and improve lots. they used to be the trailblazers but now has become mere copycats of other station's hits or just mere blender of rehash items of their previous glories. pathetic.
and i now go full circle,
i will now be describing what my title is all about, hehehehe, let's toast about Full House.
i don't know if doing marathon screening has helped immensely, for we watched the show almost non-stop for 16 hours. but, the story was sooooo addictive. we would always tell ourselves, okay one more vcd. but at the end of the playback, we would again insert the next copy and watch once more.
and gladly we would. hehehehehe.
the story is refreshing and the main charactes have given it so much texture and variety that it was as interesting as it was romantic to watch. for me, it was real life. period.
it never attempted to play too coy about the possible romance between Young Jae and Juen Ha [ i hope i got that right, it's justin and jessie here in RP]. actress Song Hye Kyo and pop singer Rain in real life.
[[digression: i even soaked my self surfing their sites. regardless if i don't know korean. i went on and did research... fanatic, right?]]
and Song's friendship with Min-Hyuk [Kim Sung Soo] was true to form as well. she never assured and she even confessed that she should have told him not to wait since it is really hard to wait with no assurance that the other person will be there at the end. [i feel I will make this a blog topic as well in the future, “waiting for nothing”]
insightful
the show has lots of insights. of course, never original for no thoughts is original anymore nowadays. but it was presented with earnestness and never came on too strong nor preachy.
or maybe, i am just too engrossed with it nowadays that flaws are still out of sight.
i know that i will still be mushy if i go on right now, extolling FH's virtues to the highest high. just my way, i guess of applauding them for a job well done would be me writing about this for days to come. i have thought of putting some of the show's quotes that struck me as titles of my blogs. what those lines did to me was to look back on my personal experiences and ponder on them.
and i guess, just by FH doing that, it has really endeared itself to me. as opposed to the numerous chinovelas i appreciated, the main thing is that the others never related to me too well. i sure felt sad on the character's plight but unlike FH, it never made me look inside myself and see, once again, what i have been trying to search for in my existence.
it has been such a long time that i was able to retreat upon myself and reflect on things that mattered. i have gone through failed relationships coupla times before and i think that has prevented me from trusting way too much these years.
i can understand perfectly well Young Jae when he admitted that the reason why he doesn't call home is that he never was used to the idea of a person waiting for him. my take on that is, he was never initiated to that reality, that is why he was never giving it importance.
and i felt that way.
when i was so misunderstood by my 2 closest friends for being insensitive, and i think, was their reason for walking out on me. they failed to realize that at that time, i may have looked soooo mature in person, but i was still in the process of finding things about myself. i guess, my wrong was, i made it appear that i know and understand things far beyond our chronological age's comprehension. maybe that was it.
but i was also trying to see things through in life. finding my real me. finding answers to my insurmountable questions. maybe just because i could figure out things for them, i knew and figured out things all by my lonesome me. but no.
and watching FH has gotten me back to that situation. when i was still trying to make sense out of everything. there were things that i did which i wasn't too well aware of. i wasn't aware that in so doing, i was hurting other people. i was neglecting a lot of people close to me. i failed to realize that there was more to saying "i love you" to people we hold dear. there is more to touching them, embracing them, treating them out, writing them love letters. i failed in a lot of areas which proved so consequential to me.
and watching FH, sadly brought tears to my eyes. that failure to appreciate people while they're still next to us. failure to admit that we are weak, so weak, but we try very hard to be strong just for that person. that yes, it would have been very different had we admitted to that person that, "i don't know. i won't be strong for you."
maybe because i didn't want to hear: "you failed me," in the first place.
i am sooooo much into this tv series that i don't know how to go about this blog for it. i was thinking that it might be better to just have a rundown of the things i sooooo love about the show, or then again, maybe go about the quotes i remember and then discuss them one by one, but then again, i couldn't resist poring over and over the sites of the show's headliners.
huwaaaaaaaa, i can't make up my mind.
i am sooooo definitely taken by the show's story that i am now bothered in my resting hours. i can't think of anything else lately. and who would ever think, among people in my workplace, that i am one of the many who are AFFECTED by these **mundane concerns?
i definitely am, not known to many i guess is the fact that i happen to be a couch potato who wants lazy afternoons and hours on hours on end of endless boob tube fare. i definitely am.
of mara clara and marimar
i remember watching annaliza when i was smaller, then the first few years of mara clara. until i discovered that the show did nothing but appeal to the tear glands of its viewers by subjecting its viewers to episodes of heavy emotions and crying. how could you ever imagine a story wherein characters are ending up always in hospital beds or accidents or kidnappings WHENEVER they are on the brink of solving their plot dilemma once and for all?
either Susan Africa, clara's biological mom, would end up crazed again or Beverly Vergel, mara's mother, would have an amnesia when she discovered an information so vital to her 'true' daughter's identity. gosh, it was my soooo pathetic summer, spending afternoons in my front of our tv set just trying to root for Judy Ann Santos to come to her senses and fight for her right as "nag-iisang heredera ng mga del valle." [the heiress to the del valle fortune]
incredulous me!
before Marimar became the toast of telenovelas, there was Valeria Montoya of La Traidora, the heiress of the Tricom empire. my mom was in Cebu then for her annual trip when my dad and i decided to spend the 6:30 evenings watching the rise and fall and rising again of this red headed senora slugging it out with her equally tempestuous cousin, Dayana, for the control of the family riches.
haaaaaaay, little did i know that when mother came back and WE introduced her to the Montoya clan, she would end up romancing, MORE THAN my dad’s and my curiosity and dedication in watching, the telenovelas for years to come. my mom was so habitually concerned about these characters that whenever she phoned us brothers home when they were in laguna, she would say it this way:
"O anak, napakain nyo na ba ang mga hayop?..." [sons, have you fed our dogs and cats?]
"opo" [yes mother]
"O wag nyong kalimutan isulat ang GoBingo at yung La Traidora..." [o, don’t forget my GoBingo combinations and La Traidora] [then she will guffaw]
now can you imagine that? a parent calling from the province and checking on her unicos hijos, BUT reminding first about the pets, if they have eaten, and then her tv fare. but not, "o mga anak, kumain na ba kayo?" [sons have you eaten?]
imagine that!
plot critique
i think this growing habit to watch lots of shows has provided me and kuya [elder brother] with insights on what a good show is like. we used to grow with daddy commenting every time he would hear about the titles of betamax tapes we're going to be renting, "ano mapapala nyo dyan. paulit-ulit lang ang kwento nyan?" [why waste your money on that. its plot is threadbare anyway?]
and we would resent that, ALWAYS.
not knowing that it presents so much wisdom. looking back, i now know that daddy couldn't have said it any better.
plots nowadays are so copied, so trite, so banal.
we need new writers. and quick.
that is the reason why channel 2 is getting the rear end of its karma. they have perfected scheming plots for the teevee that now they have grown too big in their thrones, they couldn't budge a bit to assess weaknesses and improve on it.
they need to realize that viewers are sooooo discriminating nowadays due to rampant exposure to all sorts of media. ALL forms.
they can never underestimate the importance of a really GOOD story. ramping up with glitzy stars, visually stunning effects and vaunted production design doesn’t a good story make. if the story itself SUCKS, people would know.
with Darna and Encantadia doing good share of commercial loads and high ratings, it is time abs-cbn come to its senses and improve lots. they used to be the trailblazers but now has become mere copycats of other station's hits or just mere blender of rehash items of their previous glories. pathetic.
and i now go full circle,
i will now be describing what my title is all about, hehehehe, let's toast about Full House.
i don't know if doing marathon screening has helped immensely, for we watched the show almost non-stop for 16 hours. but, the story was sooooo addictive. we would always tell ourselves, okay one more vcd. but at the end of the playback, we would again insert the next copy and watch once more.
and gladly we would. hehehehehe.
the story is refreshing and the main charactes have given it so much texture and variety that it was as interesting as it was romantic to watch. for me, it was real life. period.
it never attempted to play too coy about the possible romance between Young Jae and Juen Ha [ i hope i got that right, it's justin and jessie here in RP]. actress Song Hye Kyo and pop singer Rain in real life.
[[digression: i even soaked my self surfing their sites. regardless if i don't know korean. i went on and did research... fanatic, right?]]
and Song's friendship with Min-Hyuk [Kim Sung Soo] was true to form as well. she never assured and she even confessed that she should have told him not to wait since it is really hard to wait with no assurance that the other person will be there at the end. [i feel I will make this a blog topic as well in the future, “waiting for nothing”]
insightful
the show has lots of insights. of course, never original for no thoughts is original anymore nowadays. but it was presented with earnestness and never came on too strong nor preachy.
or maybe, i am just too engrossed with it nowadays that flaws are still out of sight.
i know that i will still be mushy if i go on right now, extolling FH's virtues to the highest high. just my way, i guess of applauding them for a job well done would be me writing about this for days to come. i have thought of putting some of the show's quotes that struck me as titles of my blogs. what those lines did to me was to look back on my personal experiences and ponder on them.
and i guess, just by FH doing that, it has really endeared itself to me. as opposed to the numerous chinovelas i appreciated, the main thing is that the others never related to me too well. i sure felt sad on the character's plight but unlike FH, it never made me look inside myself and see, once again, what i have been trying to search for in my existence.
it has been such a long time that i was able to retreat upon myself and reflect on things that mattered. i have gone through failed relationships coupla times before and i think that has prevented me from trusting way too much these years.
i can understand perfectly well Young Jae when he admitted that the reason why he doesn't call home is that he never was used to the idea of a person waiting for him. my take on that is, he was never initiated to that reality, that is why he was never giving it importance.
and i felt that way.
when i was so misunderstood by my 2 closest friends for being insensitive, and i think, was their reason for walking out on me. they failed to realize that at that time, i may have looked soooo mature in person, but i was still in the process of finding things about myself. i guess, my wrong was, i made it appear that i know and understand things far beyond our chronological age's comprehension. maybe that was it.
but i was also trying to see things through in life. finding my real me. finding answers to my insurmountable questions. maybe just because i could figure out things for them, i knew and figured out things all by my lonesome me. but no.
and watching FH has gotten me back to that situation. when i was still trying to make sense out of everything. there were things that i did which i wasn't too well aware of. i wasn't aware that in so doing, i was hurting other people. i was neglecting a lot of people close to me. i failed to realize that there was more to saying "i love you" to people we hold dear. there is more to touching them, embracing them, treating them out, writing them love letters. i failed in a lot of areas which proved so consequential to me.
and watching FH, sadly brought tears to my eyes. that failure to appreciate people while they're still next to us. failure to admit that we are weak, so weak, but we try very hard to be strong just for that person. that yes, it would have been very different had we admitted to that person that, "i don't know. i won't be strong for you."
maybe because i didn't want to hear: "you failed me," in the first place.
Friday, June 10, 2005
y i luv blogging
i think more than any other reason, it is the love for the prose that keeps me setting up and trying to maintain a good blog site.
what else is there?
oh well, maybe it also fed my insatiable desire to pound my tactile keys to come up with sensible passages of thoughts for others to peruse. i mean, i used to be paid to write, right? so when the possibility of putting all these online, it got me up all night.
though not necessarily, i think am confused, wait...
because even before when i was still a paid hack, i already have my livejournal with me [with username/password now i can't vaguely remember, ahehehehe]. but i don't know if i was able to log on to it on a regular basis. as in sipping coffee basis. nah.
but now? i really don't know. my computer keeps on humming and maybe she is hating me now for this addiction. i even think of enhancing my sites with links or pics so others will truly have an experience going through my pages. hey, even my events management business has a blog! although i didn't get to pick the name of my choice for it.
so far i presently have this one for blogspot. yeah, i hated this site for some days since i am not able to login and add my posts. but we patched things up.
what came better out of that inconvenience is that i was able to set up in other blog services.
i set up in myblogsite.com, which is cooler i would say in terms of tools to set it up. maybe if i were more tech savvy it would have blown me away. what i hated only is that i can't seem to remove the advert box on top. plus, the size is just too way big for my liking. but what i love simply is the layout. it came across as fresh and very professional looking. plus there is a description part that allowed me to describe my site. the dashboard is really cool. it's like it's the background for your site. whatever you do there reflects on your screen, of course, but not in a choose+click manner like blogspot.
out of sheer frustration, in local parlance "pinatulan ko na rin ang Friendster," [i gave in to setting up Friendster blog]. hahahahaha. for weeks now, i am bemused with people popping in my yahoo inbox that they have set up their blogs with F. what is more amusing is that these people, except for some, is totally non-descriptive of a blogger. thus, when i set up mine, i checked out their spaces and yeah, true to form, nothing is there. more ahahahahahahaha.
gosh!
must i admit that i really am inspired by the 3 gorgeous blogmates of mine in wave 2: mau, ays and mistress theny. like, they would always refer to it as, "have you read mau's entry last week?" or "yeah, i put it in my blog." that's why when i visited my site again last week, i got hooked. i was in a trance and i was telling myself, "gio, just what are you NOT doing?" i was ashamed. and that feeling alone pushed me to scribe so many entries in my different blog sites.
the bad taste is that i will try not to post almost the same stuff from one blog to the other. i will find that pathetic. i mean, for now i can carry with 2 sites bearing the same posts but later on i will try to conjure a sense for each blog so that each will have a distinct personality yet not so very off with the other.
one may be my confession site, the other my regular blog space, the other more of a discussion one thing. i don't know, just thinking of it makes my mouth water in delirious overdrive.
i also find remembering a lot of different username tedious. i resorted to pasting all info in one notepad as well. another hahahaha moment there.
i really find this activity very romantic. it's like even while chatting this morning with a good pal, i told him, "know what? i think this is a good stuff for blog." and i did save a notepad file for blog topics so that everytime i have a chance to write something i can easily open up another notepad and type my ideas just like now. i am anticipating a lechon kawali fare for lunch with thirst quenching coca-cola drowned with ice bits [yeah, the more ice the better for me] with that piping hot rice and sweet chili sauce as dip.
ahhhhhh, life can't get any better than this.
what else is there?
oh well, maybe it also fed my insatiable desire to pound my tactile keys to come up with sensible passages of thoughts for others to peruse. i mean, i used to be paid to write, right? so when the possibility of putting all these online, it got me up all night.
though not necessarily, i think am confused, wait...
because even before when i was still a paid hack, i already have my livejournal with me [with username/password now i can't vaguely remember, ahehehehe]. but i don't know if i was able to log on to it on a regular basis. as in sipping coffee basis. nah.
but now? i really don't know. my computer keeps on humming and maybe she is hating me now for this addiction. i even think of enhancing my sites with links or pics so others will truly have an experience going through my pages. hey, even my events management business has a blog! although i didn't get to pick the name of my choice for it.
so far i presently have this one for blogspot. yeah, i hated this site for some days since i am not able to login and add my posts. but we patched things up.
what came better out of that inconvenience is that i was able to set up in other blog services.
i set up in myblogsite.com, which is cooler i would say in terms of tools to set it up. maybe if i were more tech savvy it would have blown me away. what i hated only is that i can't seem to remove the advert box on top. plus, the size is just too way big for my liking. but what i love simply is the layout. it came across as fresh and very professional looking. plus there is a description part that allowed me to describe my site. the dashboard is really cool. it's like it's the background for your site. whatever you do there reflects on your screen, of course, but not in a choose+click manner like blogspot.
out of sheer frustration, in local parlance "pinatulan ko na rin ang Friendster," [i gave in to setting up Friendster blog]. hahahahaha. for weeks now, i am bemused with people popping in my yahoo inbox that they have set up their blogs with F. what is more amusing is that these people, except for some, is totally non-descriptive of a blogger. thus, when i set up mine, i checked out their spaces and yeah, true to form, nothing is there. more ahahahahahahaha.
gosh!
must i admit that i really am inspired by the 3 gorgeous blogmates of mine in wave 2: mau, ays and mistress theny. like, they would always refer to it as, "have you read mau's entry last week?" or "yeah, i put it in my blog." that's why when i visited my site again last week, i got hooked. i was in a trance and i was telling myself, "gio, just what are you NOT doing?" i was ashamed. and that feeling alone pushed me to scribe so many entries in my different blog sites.
the bad taste is that i will try not to post almost the same stuff from one blog to the other. i will find that pathetic. i mean, for now i can carry with 2 sites bearing the same posts but later on i will try to conjure a sense for each blog so that each will have a distinct personality yet not so very off with the other.
one may be my confession site, the other my regular blog space, the other more of a discussion one thing. i don't know, just thinking of it makes my mouth water in delirious overdrive.
i also find remembering a lot of different username tedious. i resorted to pasting all info in one notepad as well. another hahahaha moment there.
i really find this activity very romantic. it's like even while chatting this morning with a good pal, i told him, "know what? i think this is a good stuff for blog." and i did save a notepad file for blog topics so that everytime i have a chance to write something i can easily open up another notepad and type my ideas just like now. i am anticipating a lechon kawali fare for lunch with thirst quenching coca-cola drowned with ice bits [yeah, the more ice the better for me] with that piping hot rice and sweet chili sauce as dip.
ahhhhhh, life can't get any better than this.
cookie recipe
i love baking and eating. here's a recipe i snatched from my yahoo homepage. enjoy!
Sparkling Sour Cream Sugar Cookies
Provided by Better Homes and Gardens
Lemon extract and orange peel add a citrus touch to these cutout cookies we created. Top with a meringue icing, your favorite frosting, or add sprinkles before baking.
Ingredients
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
Dash salt
1/2 cup dairy sour cream
1 egg
1 teaspoon finely shredded orange peel
1/2 teaspoon lemon extract
2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
Powdered Sugar Icing (see recipe below) or your favorite frosting
Preparation
Chill: 1 hourPrep:45 minutesBake:6 minutes per pan
1 In mixing bowl, beat butter with electric mixer 30 seconds. Add sugar, baking powder, soda, and salt; beat well. Beat in sour cream, egg, peel, and lemon extract.
2 Beat in as much flour as you can with the mixer. Using wooden spoon, stir in remaining flour. Divide in half. Cover; chill 1 to 2 hours or until easy to handle.
3 On a well-floured surface, roll out half of the dough at a time to 1/4-inch thickness. Using a cooking cutter, cut dough into desired shapes. Place cookies 1 inch apart on an ungreased cookie sheet.
4 Bake in a 375 degree F oven for 6 to 7 minutes or until edges are firm and bottoms are light brown. Transfer to wire rack; cool.
5 Prepare the Powdered Sugar Icing or frosting. Spread the mixture over cookies. Immediately top each cookie with candied citrus peel or let dry and paint designs on each with food coloring. Makes 40 to 50 cookies.
6 Powdered Sugar Icing: In a medium mixing bowl, beat together 4 cups sifted powdered sugar and 1/4 cup milk. Stir in additional milk if needed, 1 teaspoon at a time, until glaze is easy to spread. Tint with food coloring, if you like.
Nutritional Analysis
Number of Servings: 40 to 50 cookies servings
Per Serving
calories 105
total fat 3g
cholesterol 13mg
sodium 50mg
carbohydrate 18g
fiber 0g
protein 1g
Sparkling Sour Cream Sugar Cookies
Provided by Better Homes and Gardens
Lemon extract and orange peel add a citrus touch to these cutout cookies we created. Top with a meringue icing, your favorite frosting, or add sprinkles before baking.
Ingredients
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
Dash salt
1/2 cup dairy sour cream
1 egg
1 teaspoon finely shredded orange peel
1/2 teaspoon lemon extract
2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
Powdered Sugar Icing (see recipe below) or your favorite frosting
Preparation
Chill: 1 hourPrep:45 minutesBake:6 minutes per pan
1 In mixing bowl, beat butter with electric mixer 30 seconds. Add sugar, baking powder, soda, and salt; beat well. Beat in sour cream, egg, peel, and lemon extract.
2 Beat in as much flour as you can with the mixer. Using wooden spoon, stir in remaining flour. Divide in half. Cover; chill 1 to 2 hours or until easy to handle.
3 On a well-floured surface, roll out half of the dough at a time to 1/4-inch thickness. Using a cooking cutter, cut dough into desired shapes. Place cookies 1 inch apart on an ungreased cookie sheet.
4 Bake in a 375 degree F oven for 6 to 7 minutes or until edges are firm and bottoms are light brown. Transfer to wire rack; cool.
5 Prepare the Powdered Sugar Icing or frosting. Spread the mixture over cookies. Immediately top each cookie with candied citrus peel or let dry and paint designs on each with food coloring. Makes 40 to 50 cookies.
6 Powdered Sugar Icing: In a medium mixing bowl, beat together 4 cups sifted powdered sugar and 1/4 cup milk. Stir in additional milk if needed, 1 teaspoon at a time, until glaze is easy to spread. Tint with food coloring, if you like.
Nutritional Analysis
Number of Servings: 40 to 50 cookies servings
Per Serving
calories 105
total fat 3g
cholesterol 13mg
sodium 50mg
carbohydrate 18g
fiber 0g
protein 1g
Thursday, June 09, 2005
pen and paper
i don't know what it is about writing that engages me to pursue such endeavors if i have the right persuasion NOT inspiration. oh yeah, i used to think that one can only write when one is inspired but not anymore, when i held a writing job with the foremost authority in information technology publication. hehehe, i still sound very much like "their" marketing communications officer. i would have loved to stay in that company for decades to come had it not been...oh well, that's another time.
when i say persuastion, it means, i may or mayn't have the right [or write] mood as we speak but if it's deadline today then i must finish my writing today. when i started in that company, i was never taught how to pursue the topic when it was given to me. it was like, my editor didn't coach me how to begin writing. maybe thinking that since i had the gall to apply for the position, i hold it upon me to be able to scratch the paper with my pen WHENEVER.
true enough though, i was able to bleed my pen for all the subjects the IT community find interesting: from newly opened computer shops; to ad infinitum/ad nauseam fora, seminars and presentations; to government projects especially those spearheaded by DOST, National Computer Institute, DTI etc.
it was like, what am I doing in this industry that requires so much brain cells for computer geeks [only to find out that i will be troubleshooting internet connectivity in my next lifetime as TCCR for Convergys] when my baccalaureate is Public Health?
oh life, bwehehehehehe...
anyways, now writing for me involves the subject of the act and how early my deadline for such is. i just need those parameters and then i'm off to typing endlessly. playing cresecendoes upon stacattos of prosaic paintings. well. if i had to earn my salary of P9,000 at that time for typing those articles no end then i had to do it, inspired or not. well, what i learned to love about that job was the airconditioning in our previous building. my gosh, as in, i would arrive in the house after say, 3 hours and i would feel the contents of my backpack still cold.
a writing job is never easy, you even feel wasted after slaving hours on end finishing an article you don't have your soul on. i was always feeling sore and wishing how i wish i could write someday for a publication i love and topics i love as well.
thus, when the lifestyle insert for enterprise came out i was more than willing to volunteer my efforts in reviewing restaurants etc. but i set my eyes on eventually getting into a fashion or lifestyle magazine where i really would want to make a mark. i was thinking, how lovely, to laze time off in cozy Greenbelt and just breezily park my pen when my piece on a new store selling clothes is done sipping Moccachino with my wi-fied ThinkPad eating my sentences.
i know it's odd but i liken this being-paid-to-write persona to that of a prostitute. i mean, i haven't actually done the thing [i hope, but how, when you have love packs as thick as 4 inches and weigh 220 pounds?] but i guess, they would have loved to have sex and be paid for a good one, but at least with someone not suffering from halitosis or body odor, right?
but life is hard, it is never easy most especially if we have bills to pay and lives, not only our own, to support.
all in all, writing is a gift. and just like singing, we should share it. if we are best in doing something then we must let others benefit from it. i know i write good creative magnum opus-es and just letting others partake my writings is enough.
so if you guys, would want to learn a thing or two [yeah, i know only two pointers for good writing, ahehehehehe] about writing, just drop me a line or two.
when i say persuastion, it means, i may or mayn't have the right [or write] mood as we speak but if it's deadline today then i must finish my writing today. when i started in that company, i was never taught how to pursue the topic when it was given to me. it was like, my editor didn't coach me how to begin writing. maybe thinking that since i had the gall to apply for the position, i hold it upon me to be able to scratch the paper with my pen WHENEVER.
true enough though, i was able to bleed my pen for all the subjects the IT community find interesting: from newly opened computer shops; to ad infinitum/ad nauseam fora, seminars and presentations; to government projects especially those spearheaded by DOST, National Computer Institute, DTI etc.
it was like, what am I doing in this industry that requires so much brain cells for computer geeks [only to find out that i will be troubleshooting internet connectivity in my next lifetime as TCCR for Convergys] when my baccalaureate is Public Health?
oh life, bwehehehehehe...
anyways, now writing for me involves the subject of the act and how early my deadline for such is. i just need those parameters and then i'm off to typing endlessly. playing cresecendoes upon stacattos of prosaic paintings. well. if i had to earn my salary of P9,000 at that time for typing those articles no end then i had to do it, inspired or not. well, what i learned to love about that job was the airconditioning in our previous building. my gosh, as in, i would arrive in the house after say, 3 hours and i would feel the contents of my backpack still cold.
a writing job is never easy, you even feel wasted after slaving hours on end finishing an article you don't have your soul on. i was always feeling sore and wishing how i wish i could write someday for a publication i love and topics i love as well.
thus, when the lifestyle insert for enterprise came out i was more than willing to volunteer my efforts in reviewing restaurants etc. but i set my eyes on eventually getting into a fashion or lifestyle magazine where i really would want to make a mark. i was thinking, how lovely, to laze time off in cozy Greenbelt and just breezily park my pen when my piece on a new store selling clothes is done sipping Moccachino with my wi-fied ThinkPad eating my sentences.
i know it's odd but i liken this being-paid-to-write persona to that of a prostitute. i mean, i haven't actually done the thing [i hope, but how, when you have love packs as thick as 4 inches and weigh 220 pounds?] but i guess, they would have loved to have sex and be paid for a good one, but at least with someone not suffering from halitosis or body odor, right?
but life is hard, it is never easy most especially if we have bills to pay and lives, not only our own, to support.
all in all, writing is a gift. and just like singing, we should share it. if we are best in doing something then we must let others benefit from it. i know i write good creative magnum opus-es and just letting others partake my writings is enough.
so if you guys, would want to learn a thing or two [yeah, i know only two pointers for good writing, ahehehehehe] about writing, just drop me a line or two.
mah name means
I was searching some things on the net, actually I was on Friendster that time, when I stumbled upon sites which give your name meanings. Of course, the knowledge sucker that I am, I went on and typed furiously just to quench my desire to find out what mah name means.
Here’s one:
Although the name Giovanni creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the lungs, heart, bronchial area, and tension or accidents to the head.
As Giovanni you have a great love of nature and the out-of-doors, and could have a desire to be in an occupation which takes you outdoors and involves you with the products of the earth. All the finer things of life and beauties of nature are an inspiration to you and you are attracted to the mysteries of nature. Difficulty in expression results in your being too positive, blunt, and candid in speech. Although you are easily offended by others, you do not show it. You crave affection and understanding, but rarely find it as others do not understand you and accuse you of being cool and aloof.
Another one:
Johannes - God is gracious
My Chinese name:
Bei Gao Fu – tall, lofty, calming, comforting something
Analysis:
Come to think of it. I do believe that names are really worth thinking of when we are about to christen somebody with such appellation. I was informed before that mothers should be the ones thinking of their child’s name since they reared that person for nine months. It’s like they are supposed to ask and listen to the child in their womb for what name they want. Naming names is tempting fate, as Jessica Zafra would insist, since for example you named the child Aphrodite and she turned ugly later on, then she will always be the butt of jokes right?
For me, I think I read this as well somewhere, when you put a name on someone, you are casting your power over that person. For in previous millennia, it is better that you remain unknown for you are beholden if you are named. I think in Latin that is nomen est omen, the name is the sign.
When I was in kindergarten, I used to hate my name for I almost always misspelled it to something else. I find it too long, with a letter doubled and is so uncommon I can’t seem to find somebody else in the classroom bearing something similar to my name. Somebody even spelled it out as: Diyobanee. Mah gosh!!!
As it turned out, many known and powerful men in history was borne of the same name. The late pope was Giovanni Paulo in Italian. There is Giovanni Battista, Giovanni Bellini [painter], Giovanni Boccaccio [of Decameron], et al.
Although mostly Italian, they were very much pronounced mostly in Renaissance and I think, or at least would love to think, that I am very much a Renaissance man myself. I love to dip all 10 fingers that I have into so many things. I like to try things for trying’s sake alone. Although in discourses, I would appeal that I am trying them for knowledge [or research, duh?] aspirations. Hahahaha!
I think mah name really defined myself. Now, I am very much proud to display my name since I feel that a lot of people recognize it not just for its spelling but much more so since they highly identify my personality with that word.
Here’s one:
Although the name Giovanni creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the lungs, heart, bronchial area, and tension or accidents to the head.
As Giovanni you have a great love of nature and the out-of-doors, and could have a desire to be in an occupation which takes you outdoors and involves you with the products of the earth. All the finer things of life and beauties of nature are an inspiration to you and you are attracted to the mysteries of nature. Difficulty in expression results in your being too positive, blunt, and candid in speech. Although you are easily offended by others, you do not show it. You crave affection and understanding, but rarely find it as others do not understand you and accuse you of being cool and aloof.
Another one:
Johannes - God is gracious
My Chinese name:
Bei Gao Fu – tall, lofty, calming, comforting something
Analysis:
Come to think of it. I do believe that names are really worth thinking of when we are about to christen somebody with such appellation. I was informed before that mothers should be the ones thinking of their child’s name since they reared that person for nine months. It’s like they are supposed to ask and listen to the child in their womb for what name they want. Naming names is tempting fate, as Jessica Zafra would insist, since for example you named the child Aphrodite and she turned ugly later on, then she will always be the butt of jokes right?
For me, I think I read this as well somewhere, when you put a name on someone, you are casting your power over that person. For in previous millennia, it is better that you remain unknown for you are beholden if you are named. I think in Latin that is nomen est omen, the name is the sign.
When I was in kindergarten, I used to hate my name for I almost always misspelled it to something else. I find it too long, with a letter doubled and is so uncommon I can’t seem to find somebody else in the classroom bearing something similar to my name. Somebody even spelled it out as: Diyobanee. Mah gosh!!!
As it turned out, many known and powerful men in history was borne of the same name. The late pope was Giovanni Paulo in Italian. There is Giovanni Battista, Giovanni Bellini [painter], Giovanni Boccaccio [of Decameron], et al.
Although mostly Italian, they were very much pronounced mostly in Renaissance and I think, or at least would love to think, that I am very much a Renaissance man myself. I love to dip all 10 fingers that I have into so many things. I like to try things for trying’s sake alone. Although in discourses, I would appeal that I am trying them for knowledge [or research, duh?] aspirations. Hahahaha!
I think mah name really defined myself. Now, I am very much proud to display my name since I feel that a lot of people recognize it not just for its spelling but much more so since they highly identify my personality with that word.
blogspot frustration
i am definitely frustrated with blogspot. see, what happens is that once i logged in i am supposed to be able to just add my entries upon entries, right? but uncannily, what i wasn't getting on my dashboard is the option for me to add, i think that's the plus sign. i admit, i think the browser security settings are affecting and yes, i troubleshot, but arrrrghhhhh!!! nothing is working.
much more frustrating since i am on writing roll the past days and i can't post!
so for now, up until such issue is resolved [hence, am able to upload my entries] i am switching blog spaces.
happy hunting for me.
much more frustrating since i am on writing roll the past days and i can't post!
so for now, up until such issue is resolved [hence, am able to upload my entries] i am switching blog spaces.
happy hunting for me.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
voice within
this song has anchored well on my belief that when things don't go the way we would have wanted it to, let's find that goodness inside our self to make it through.
The Voice Within
Written by Christina Aguilera, Glen Ballard
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ooh
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly, ooh
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, ohh
Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away, ooh ohh
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day, ohh
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside, look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within
Ohh yeah, ooh, yeah ohh
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
Break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
(Be strong)
Just don't forsake it because
(No one can tell you what you can't do)
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
And like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, oh yeah
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ohh
The Voice Within
Written by Christina Aguilera, Glen Ballard
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ooh
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly, ooh
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, ohh
Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away, ooh ohh
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day, ohh
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside, look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within
Ohh yeah, ooh, yeah ohh
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
Break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
(Be strong)
Just don't forsake it because
(No one can tell you what you can't do)
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
And like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, oh yeah
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ohh
Friday, June 03, 2005
deciding destiny
my being nearly thirty may have been the culprit on how i am considering and thinking of how my life goes and went.
hypocrisy aside, my job now with a call center provides more reasons for resigning than staying. and believe you me, i have gone the full cycle of promotion, demotion, application, resignation.
the movement on the floor [and in subsequent months] has carried my emotions to different levels which has wrung my capacity to feel bathetic nuances to maximum sensitivity possible.
being an aquarian, however, made inroads for me to be more cerebral than emotional. i find solace in the fact that having worked several companies before, empirical data has wounded my pride several times over to think that i am actually better off nowadays than before or at the very least, 6 months going forward [provided i do find a day job i like].
what i think about this is:
however way i think my situation is right now, then it is.
for no matter what the world fates us mere mortals to have, to taste, to experience, to immerse into. the only valid power, the only total control, the only responsible decision we can make emanates only from ourselves.
i am not simplifying the overwhelming factors which contribute to how we face life and its attendant concerns.
for life is never easy, never simple.
what i am putting across is that, our decisions are entirely shaped not only by how we look at things but on how we take into consideration all things we consider priorities.
if money is never a problem,
if bills are not mounting,
if we never have to face every mornings thinking how we can put food on the table,
then we can decide for ourselves and our entities only.
in my case, even if howling winds beckon,floods traffic my transportation,illness firms my back to my consoling bed,
i have to get up and work.
i have never thought of life, since i was small, as simple.
i just never imagined that life can be this complicated.
thus, so long as the decision is ours in the beginning, only then can we be empowered by it. for if it were never ours in the first place, then we can't fully exclaim that we faced life head-on and spit destiny on its face, spewing:
"you have been a worthy opponent, mistress destiny, but fortunately for you, your life's challenge is just to read my stars and dreams. for i, and only i alone, is cast with the counterfeit blessing of interpreting your readings."
life is hard, harder still is to decide.
but hardest thing to realize is that in NEVER deciding for our lives' twists and turns in this richly hued tapestry of [past] threads, [present] colors and [future] hooks
we have never existed.
therefore, i summon, DECIDE for your self.
it is our privilege, it is a Higher Being's gift to our humanity.
for in no other person's palms reside the responsibility
of how we live our life,
on how well we lived,
in the sole purpose of our living.
hypocrisy aside, my job now with a call center provides more reasons for resigning than staying. and believe you me, i have gone the full cycle of promotion, demotion, application, resignation.
the movement on the floor [and in subsequent months] has carried my emotions to different levels which has wrung my capacity to feel bathetic nuances to maximum sensitivity possible.
being an aquarian, however, made inroads for me to be more cerebral than emotional. i find solace in the fact that having worked several companies before, empirical data has wounded my pride several times over to think that i am actually better off nowadays than before or at the very least, 6 months going forward [provided i do find a day job i like].
what i think about this is:
however way i think my situation is right now, then it is.
for no matter what the world fates us mere mortals to have, to taste, to experience, to immerse into. the only valid power, the only total control, the only responsible decision we can make emanates only from ourselves.
i am not simplifying the overwhelming factors which contribute to how we face life and its attendant concerns.
for life is never easy, never simple.
what i am putting across is that, our decisions are entirely shaped not only by how we look at things but on how we take into consideration all things we consider priorities.
if money is never a problem,
if bills are not mounting,
if we never have to face every mornings thinking how we can put food on the table,
then we can decide for ourselves and our entities only.
in my case, even if howling winds beckon,floods traffic my transportation,illness firms my back to my consoling bed,
i have to get up and work.
i have never thought of life, since i was small, as simple.
i just never imagined that life can be this complicated.
thus, so long as the decision is ours in the beginning, only then can we be empowered by it. for if it were never ours in the first place, then we can't fully exclaim that we faced life head-on and spit destiny on its face, spewing:
"you have been a worthy opponent, mistress destiny, but fortunately for you, your life's challenge is just to read my stars and dreams. for i, and only i alone, is cast with the counterfeit blessing of interpreting your readings."
life is hard, harder still is to decide.
but hardest thing to realize is that in NEVER deciding for our lives' twists and turns in this richly hued tapestry of [past] threads, [present] colors and [future] hooks
we have never existed.
therefore, i summon, DECIDE for your self.
it is our privilege, it is a Higher Being's gift to our humanity.
for in no other person's palms reside the responsibility
of how we live our life,
on how well we lived,
in the sole purpose of our living.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
end of the year ramblings (repost)
nota bene: this is a repost from my livejournal. heniweys, i still feel strongly about the same sentiments. so here it is in my blog, enjoy!
this year has proved to be a much improved year for this feeling-singer Aquarian. early part of the year saw me handling the PC World Phils. Annual Awards then the IBM event. altho' the latter really proved very wanting, at least it was not on my end. i was able to beef up my portfolio greatly through this activity.
another good thing that happened was the fact that i was able to resign from my previous company. altho' i really am grateful that from a special projects writer i became a marketing communications officer before i resigned. again with that position, i was able to leverage my self well for my next company.
blessedly, well at least for me, i didn't have any gaps in between jobs. my last day with MGC was april 30, a friday. i transferred to CVG monday, may 3. imagine that. no breaks at all!
this job has been so far, the most rewarding one financially. altho' of course you still aspire for a better paying account statement and COE, i am very much content by far.
thankfully, i moved from TCCR 1 to Escalation Supervisor after 2 months of production floor life. eventually, becoming a tier 2 support up to this month, december.
as if that weren't enough, i am now officially being processed to move to my new position: Single Point of Contact or SPOC for my account. from now on, i shall be the one in primary charge with ALL the processes and the attendant confusion, disputes, grumblings, and what have you with the account. this is one BIG responsibility and i am not any more thinking YET with the corresponding raise but more on making production much more adaptive, dynamic, resilient, efficient and productive.
i got word, that i shall be in my desk by january 10 but that i will be doing informal training with the 2 weeks prior to my assigned date.
my Lord has been so kind to the sinner that i am as always. i have been very neglectful of my duties, that i am very much aware of, but still He and Our Mother has always been there holding my hand when i am weary. i have always felt that i wasn't given much intellect and all in my lifetime to just think of my own sake.
and of course, my family has been my guidepost as always. my sister most especially, teaching me more on life, on love, on living, and on loving.
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