deciding destiny

my being nearly thirty may have been the culprit on how i am considering and thinking of how my life goes and went.

hypocrisy aside, my job now with a call center provides more reasons for resigning than staying. and believe you me, i have gone the full cycle of promotion, demotion, application, resignation.

the movement on the floor [and in subsequent months] has carried my emotions to different levels which has wrung my capacity to feel bathetic nuances to maximum sensitivity possible.

being an aquarian, however, made inroads for me to be more cerebral than emotional. i find solace in the fact that having worked several companies before, empirical data has wounded my pride several times over to think that i am actually better off nowadays than before or at the very least, 6 months going forward [provided i do find a day job i like].

what i think about this is:

however way i think my situation is right now, then it is.

for no matter what the world fates us mere mortals to have, to taste, to experience, to immerse into. the only valid power, the only total control, the only responsible decision we can make emanates only from ourselves.

i am not simplifying the overwhelming factors which contribute to how we face life and its attendant concerns.

for life is never easy, never simple.

what i am putting across is that, our decisions are entirely shaped not only by how we look at things but on how we take into consideration all things we consider priorities.

if money is never a problem,
if bills are not mounting,
if we never have to face every mornings thinking how we can put food on the table,
then we can decide for ourselves and our entities only.

in my case, even if howling winds beckon,floods traffic my transportation,illness firms my back to my consoling bed,

i have to get up and work.

i have never thought of life, since i was small, as simple.
i just never imagined that life can be this complicated.

thus, so long as the decision is ours in the beginning, only then can we be empowered by it. for if it were never ours in the first place, then we can't fully exclaim that we faced life head-on and spit destiny on its face, spewing:

"you have been a worthy opponent, mistress destiny, but fortunately for you, your life's challenge is just to read my stars and dreams. for i, and only i alone, is cast with the counterfeit blessing of interpreting your readings."

life is hard, harder still is to decide.
but hardest thing to realize is that in NEVER deciding for our lives' twists and turns in this richly hued tapestry of [past] threads, [present] colors and [future] hooks
we have never existed.

therefore, i summon, DECIDE for your self.

it is our privilege, it is a Higher Being's gift to our humanity.

for in no other person's palms reside the responsibility
of how we live our life,
on how well we lived,
in the sole purpose of our living.